"What?"
"If tentacles are solid already, why do they need erect penises on the ends?"
"I don't know."
Click here if you don't get it.
Taimanin Asagi (Ninja Demon Hunter Asagi)
I am putting a ring on this one.
This is a nearly shot-for-shot remake of the anime and the first thing you notice is how well they (Attackers) pulled it off. The opening scene is complete with an upbeat theme song and 300-style camera speedups to create the illusion of fast-paced anime combat. Lesser moves with the Danger Chick concept usually fail right here because most porn stars aren't trained for fighting scenes and their slow, awkward movements make their performance unconvincing. The stars of this show have their inadequacies covered by camera effects so we actually believe we're watching ninjas fight.
As for the main cast, Asagi is the Goddess of Rapable Ninjas. She's clearly seen the anime and understands how to portray the unbearable extasy Asagi endures as countless dicks and dick-like things wail on her orgasm button. Oh, and she has stonking great, anime-sized tits.
I've seen enough. Nana Aoyama, will you marry me?
Sakura (国見奈々 / Nana Kunimi) is Asagi's kid sister. Sufficiently cute, her 34C's (Japan calls her cup size 95G, which sounds much better) don't really carry that anime buoyancy on screen. At least the costuming is screen-perfect.
Smaller boobs end up as ancilliary characters.
Oboro (石原あすか / Asuka Ishihara) really doesn't look like herself in this movie. While Aoyama can pull off ninja resolve with subtle facial ticks and Kunimi correctly ported anime cuteness into her character, Ishihara leaves the anime look behind and goes for soemthing a little more...scary clown.
Why so serious?
The first major sex scene involves Asagi and Oboro but not in the way you'd think. In a short time the movie sets up complex relationships between the characters that make the scene more interesting. Asagi goes to meet her fiance Kyousuke but finds the slain Oboro there instead, back from the Underworld. Oboro has posessed Kyousuke and managed to seal Asagi's power while her defenses were down. Helpless, Asagi must endure Oboro's clever two-part torture.
The first part is obvious; Oboro summons otherworldly beings to abuse Asagi.
Dink dink, dink dink dink DINK DINK di~nk...
You'd think Kyousuke is the cuckold in this case, but remember he's under Oboro's control and not really there. To hurt Asagi, Oboro starts to suck and fuck Asagi's fiance right in front of her, taunting the whole time. Well, except when the dick is in her mouth. This helps the whole scene come together. Normally it's just porn talk when the fuckee says "it's going in so deep" and "it feels so good." Now the lines have a real depth to them since they're being used to tease Asagi.
You might think this is cruel but remember, Asagi did kind of kill Oboro. Our culture says murder in movies is fine, but sex acts get you banned from most traffic exchanges. (Whoops.) This movie at least creates a fantasy setting where neither rape nor murder leave any kind of permanent damage...except Oboro's new thirst for vengeance.
Revenge is a dish best served with semen.
Hey, Asagi.
"What?"
Will my readers tune in Wednesday for Part 2?
"I don't know."
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