Monday, October 4, 2010

Battle Hookers

There's porn worth reading out there too, folks.

Sites like Literotica and The Erotic Mind Control Story Archive have tons of free porn for you to read.

Don't make that face at me. Any--ANY video made to get you off is at best a guess at what you're looking for. When you read, your mind fills in all the details perfectly, custom-tailored to your tastes. Voice? Perfect. How long are they in that position? Up to you. Her race? Watch this:

"She was a black an Asian girl with B DD cup breasts."

See? Writing is awesome. I wish I could swap out the girl in a video (or my bed) as easily. I'd never touch a tit below C again.

Anyway, here's a story called Battle Hookers. Unlike the film industry that likes to say anything to make you watch, stories usually deliver--this tale has Battles, Hookers, hookers battling, catfighting, sex, toys, girl-girl and...

...go read it.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Good Things

A beautiful thing just happened.

No, even MORE beautiful.

Anyone who's a real fan of anything knows what it is to hunt down one, particular hard-to-get item. While the Internet has made a great many things easier to get, some things are still elusive.

Well, thanks to the magic of, my Barbie Cummings-loving friend finally located a scene he'd been looking for since he found a preview in 2006. I know what it is to finally find that item you'd been trying to collect. Helping people definitely feels good in that non-erectile way.

As you can see, Barbie Cummings has what they call a Class 5 Ass. It's round, bubbly, and all it does is bounce seductively all the while a huge cock pistons in and out of it. She gives great head too, courageously facing (hehe) this big black monster:

That reminds me, I have to feed the anteater.

This is a classic video at this point; the main movie is no longer available. You can still find the whole thing as 5-minute clips if you hurry up and type Barbie Cummings into the Brazzers search bar.

What are you waiting for? Go do it!

Tuesday, September 21, 2010


No response yet on my suggestion for Priya Rai doing an anal scene. Not that I expected the clouds to part and Lord Brazzerus would conjure me up some random desire, but it's good they at least have the feedback mechanism in place. They probably tally the stars and scenes and actually do it when they get enough requests.

I'm going to go watch Poon Tang Clan: Enter The 36 Chambers of Muff.


Because it's called Poon Tang Clan: Enter The 36 Chambers of Muff.

Again, I love and hate Brazzers. The afore mentioned film parodies neither the Wu Tang Clan nor Kung Fu movies. It doesn't even have Asians. Or Blacks.

It does, however, have a tattooed, pierced, schoolgirl getting double-penetrated by a dude and a chick with a strap-on.

Wait, a Suicide Girl is actually having sex with someone? Best pornsite ever.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Deathmatch: Brazzers vs. Pornhub

After other "free" sites got pwned, PornHub inserts $0.50 to continue.

In the red corner, representing Pay Sites, weighing in at 900 models, it is the self-professed "World's Best Porn Site," BRAZZERS DOT COM!!

In the blue corner, representing Free Sites from around the Internet, it claims it can "make your dick bigger & your pussy wet," PORNHUB DOT COM!!

Alright contestants, make this a good clean fight. The scoring rules are here. Today's challenge is...

--->Prija Anjeli Rai: Anal<---

And a tough challenge indeed for our competitors. Anjeli Rai is a hot little number with 34Ds of Big Tit action, but will your average or even above average porn site shelve this spicy Indian sensation?

Diving into the frey first, offers an impressive 19 scenes within the first five seconds to score a quick ten points. But do any of them have anal? A weakness and a strength, Brazzers keeps screenshot galleries of all their videos so you can scan for anal content, but that will eat up a lot of time.

At three minutes and counting, we cannot find a confirmed anal shot of Prija and may have to settle for alternate content.

And...nope. enters Classic Pool Boy Adventures: Big Tits, Blowjob, Facial, Indian, MILF in 3 minutes, 29 seconds (209 seconds).

Challenger PornHub's search for Priya Anjeli Rai turns up nothing. Search results for "Indian" and "Indian Anal" return roughly the same page. Challenged as was Brazzers, there's plenty of Indians and plenty of anal but no way to be sure of getting an Indian doing anal.

Near the top of the page and without much time to spare, enters Anal Loving Arabic Beauty in 2 minutes, 54 seconds (176 seconds).

Time Score: A quick 10 to Pornhub for being faster, leaving Brazzers with [10*176/209] = 8 points.

Star Score: A quick 10 to Brazzers for an Exact Star Match. Pornhub has to make do with a bevvy of close-enoughs. They'll satisfy your Indian craving but have nothing if you're an Anjeli fan.
Prija Anjeli RaiNot Prija Anjeli Rai

PornHub scores 2.5 for a Body Type Match, forgoing race/chest matches in favor of time and content points.

Content: Full marks for PornHub. From 6 minutes, 47 seconds on, we have anal. A merciful 3 for Brazzers, gaining porno points for gonzo, oral, and titjob.

Bonus Options: Brazzers picks up two for each of the following: Full Screen Option, Download Options, Streaming, Porn Star Bios, HD On/OFF. 10 Points. Brazzers gets an additional 4 points for having forums attached to every movie.

Pornhub offers Full Screen and Streaming but that's about all you get for free. 4 Points. Pornhub claims to have a community but you have to sign up. We'll award them the 4 points anyway.


We're not going to wait 24 hours to test a response from the support team because it's 35 to 30.5 in Brazzer's favor. A 4-0 win in this category by Pornhub would make the score 35 to 34.5, still a loss for PornHub.

--->Final Score: Brazzers 70, Pornhub 61<---

Meaning: Brazzers delivers Priya Anjeli Rai videos better and with more options. Had the dice landed on "titjob" or "gonzo" this wouldn't have been a close contest at all.

It doesn't show up in the test, but Brazzers accepts scene suggestions for its stars. That is, you can suggest Priya Anjeli Rai do an anal scene, especially since neither competitor had exactly that.

So I suggested it. Let's see what happens.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Musings of Membership

I'm not dead, just employed. I'll have to fix that.

One thing about reviews in general is you're getting the reviewer's take after a very short time with whatever he's reviewing. No one ever talks about the extended experience with the product because no one ever writes a review after spending a long time with the product. The more famous the reviewer, the worse this problem gets--these guys are paid to be funny about something once a week.

So at somewhat regular points I'll describe what it's like to be a member of whatever. Such posts will have the "lifestyle" tag.

Brazzers: I love and hate Brazzers. It is a paragon of photo and video quality to the point where most stolen images you see (on caption sites) are from Brazzers. The women are famous in their industry, and to get such fame one must be scorchingly hot even while not having sex. With the top quality women in top quality photography, what could go wrong?

Brazzers makes no sense sometimes. For instance, if you read their plot summaries they are alarmingly pro-emasculation. Particularly in the Big Tits in Sports section which usually involves a guy losing to a girl and then she gives him pity sex. Well, whatever gets the vaj on the dick I suppose.

No, I don't suppose. I demand more from my porn. You lured me in here with promises of a story, now make a good one and keep it as part of the sex. I'm tired of just two idiots fucking. When I care about the characters and when it actually means something for them to be having sex, the scene is that much hotter.

If that sounds good, you might want to try...

JSexNetwork: I will love you forever for getting Taimanin Asagi Live-Action. That film is an example of what I'm talking about. Asagi's first sex scene is between characters we've met and care about, at least a little. Also, the entire first sex scene is driving a plot. The point is that the Japanese treat their subject matter with respect and the finished product comes out better. Americans know that light shows, smoke and mirrors sell product, so they make a shit product and focus on the light shows to sell it.

Sure they have fuck films too. They're just up front about it. "Maria Ozawa in Lewd Body Hard Sex." They're not trying to tell me Maria Ozawa is playing a scientist but all they do is slip a lab coat on her and it's off for sexing in 5 minutes.

Hentai Key: They have tons of sites but you're only going to need 3. Hentai Movie Planet, Master Bloodfer for doujinshi, and Hentai Guess for games--Like the Taimanin Asagi game which has an English crack. (Seeing the game in English provides much insight into the movie.) Most of the other sites look like they were coded in the late 90s (and probably were) but believe it or not, the downloads work.

Honestly, I find myself rifling through their sites for a rare comic or game that's caught my curiosity. It's a great resource to have on hand. Downloading even one movie, book, or game makes the whole thing worth the price of admission.

PubaCash: I'm not a big fan of individual star sites, but the membership decision here is a no-brainer. Are you an Asa Akira fan? Yes? Then go sign up. There are 14 sites on their network and one of them is general porn, but really you're a fan of that particular performer. Go check out their stuff. Want to collect all a girl's videos? Get to it.

Follow the links in my Porn Worth Buying window to all of these sites. Chrystal Wynd's site is free and there is a new story up. If it isn't posted there yet, it is at the Erotic Mind Control Story Archive.

Thursday, September 9, 2010


Closed for Jewish holidays

I didn't say I was Jewish, only that I was closed. In the meantime:

The pussy you could be saving by switching to Geico.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

You've Been a Naughty Website

It's no secret that I'm an advocate for paysites. At least, I don't think it is. After all, behold my superlative financial status:

Thank you, sir. May I have another?

So if that's me, why am I such a staunch supporter of paying for it? I'd love to take the high road and say:
I've grown mature enough to realize there are industry professionals that dedicate themselves to producing quality product, not just the film stars but the engineers, gaffers, caterers, customer service reps, and agents that need our dollars to feed their families.

But really, I just can't stand the bullshit. I wish I never Googled "free porn." What happened in the Deathmatch yesterday was a disaster, not to mention a complete waste of a system I spent days devising.

So I checked the top ranked Google Pages (as #1 for "Porn Worth Watching" on, I can tell you only Google matters) for a good Deathmatch opponent for Brazzers. The #1 rank is and look what I get when I search for FREE PORN:

They shouldn't be allowed to do that.

There's nothing wrong with giving out free candy to get people to come into your store. There IS something wrong with doing that in a candy store, pressuring them to buy what they thought was free once you have them in there.

Why does that place even turn up when you search for FREE PORN? Because it's in the title bar. "All the free porn you'll ever need." In any other business such lies would land you in jail.

Of the top 5 Google hits, actually seems to deliver free porn without asking for my name, credit card, or anything. Sure there's commercials everywhere, but when I clicked on "Amazing European Boobs" I actually got a video with some amazing European Boobs.

I wonder if she's really European.

Oh, guess who's ads appear on PornHub.

Next: Brazzers vs. Pornhub