Sunday, September 5, 2010

Deathmatch Rules

Battles will take place in Thailand.

Or not.


Coming up with a fair system was the challenge. People want to see hot girls doing certain things, so that will be the main part of the challenge: Find a randomly determined porn star performing a randomly determined action. This measures the chances of anyone finding anything he wants. Partial credit for finding Something Close.

Next you have the thing most web sites are based on: ease of navigation. Since this is a head-to-head test, we're just going to measure the time it takes to find what we're looking for or Something Close. Fastest time wins, runner-up gets partial credit.

Finally we have the Bells & Whistles section. A pay site should have a wealth of information, support, and other fun things to do while you're there. Can a pay site deliver just as well, or should you spring the 27 cents a day for Brazzers? (Yep, they offer a 1-year package for an amazingly low rate.) Sites will receive points for having a few key elements.

"Randomly determined action?" "Key elements?" All is explained in...


The two sites will be given a star and an action for that star to perform. A chart will be made for each challenge with 20 prominent porn stars and 10 simple sex acts. Using a 20-sided die and a 10-sided die, the challenge will come from this chart:

Today's Top Ranked Stars
Fun Porno Actions
1.Shyla Stylez
2.Lisa Ann
3.Audrey Bitoni
4.Jenna Jameson
5.Eva Angelina
6.Nikki Benz
7.Priya Rai
8.Jenna Presley
9.Jayden Jaymes
10.Carmella Bing
11.Alexis Texas
12.Tera Patrick
13.Sara Jay
14.Jesse Jane
15.London Keyes
16.Phoenix Marie
17.Tori Black
18.Asa Akira
19.Rachel Roxxx
20.Sasha Grey
1) gonzo
2) oral
3) anal
4) titjob
5) dp (MMF)
6) girl-girl
7) gangbang (M+/F)
8) orgy (M+/F+)
10) FREAKY!!!

If the action is not found,
partial credit is 1 point per action in the movie
found on this list.

If the porn star is not found, partial credit is
2.5 points for finding one porn star "close enough"
in: Hair, Chest Size, Race, Body Type

Finding the star is worth 10 points. Finding a video of her doin' it your way is another 10 points. That's 20 points total.

The page loads and it's time to find what's-her-name doing that thing you like. Fastest time wins 10 points. That's the easy part. Second place gets points given by this formula: (Faster time / Slower time) x 10. If Site A takes 3 minutes and Site B takes 5 minutes, then Site A gets 10 points and Site B gets (3/5)x10 = 6 points. This measures the sites against each other, not against an arbitrary definition of "good navigation."

Lastly, the Bells & Whistles section scores sites on a system we already know: Points if you have it, zero if you don't.

Two points for each of these:
Full Screen Option
Download Option
Option to Stream Video
Porn Star Bios/Anecdotes
Working links to codecs and other media players
Turn HD On/Off
(12 points)

Four points for each of these:
Response from the support staff within 24 hours
(8 points)

The total perfect score is 50. Since we all grew up taking tests out of 100, we'll multiply the score by 2 in the end. That will show the sites on an A to F scale.

Tomorrow we test the test: vs. Google's #5 Ranked for "free porn."

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