Musings of Membership

I'm not dead, just employed. I'll have to fix that.

One thing about reviews in general is you're getting the reviewer's take after a very short time with whatever he's reviewing. No one ever talks about the extended experience with the product because no one ever writes a review after spending a long time with the product. The more famous the reviewer, the worse this problem gets--these guys are paid to be funny about something once a week.

So at somewhat regular points I'll describe what it's like to be a member of whatever. Such posts will have the "lifestyle" tag.

Brazzers: I love and hate Brazzers. It is a paragon of photo and video quality to the point where most stolen images you see (on caption sites) are from Brazzers. The women are famous in their industry, and to get such fame one must be scorchingly hot even while not having sex. With the top quality women in top quality photography, what could go wrong?

Brazzers makes no sense sometimes. For instance, if you read their plot summaries they are alarmingly pro-emasculation. Particularly in the Big Tits in Sports section which usually involves a guy losing to a girl and then she gives him pity sex. Well, whatever gets the vaj on the dick I suppose.

No, I don't suppose. I demand more from my porn. You lured me in here with promises of a story, now make a good one and keep it as part of the sex. I'm tired of just two idiots fucking. When I care about the characters and when it actually means something for them to be having sex, the scene is that much hotter.

If that sounds good, you might want to try...

JSexNetwork: I will love you forever for getting Taimanin Asagi Live-Action. That film is an example of what I'm talking about. Asagi's first sex scene is between characters we've met and care about, at least a little. Also, the entire first sex scene is driving a plot. The point is that the Japanese treat their subject matter with respect and the finished product comes out better. Americans know that light shows, smoke and mirrors sell product, so they make a shit product and focus on the light shows to sell it.

Sure they have fuck films too. They're just up front about it. "Maria Ozawa in Lewd Body Hard Sex." They're not trying to tell me Maria Ozawa is playing a scientist but all they do is slip a lab coat on her and it's off for sexing in 5 minutes.

Hentai Key: They have tons of sites but you're only going to need 3. Hentai Movie Planet, Master Bloodfer for doujinshi, and Hentai Guess for games--Like the Taimanin Asagi game which has an English crack. (Seeing the game in English provides much insight into the movie.) Most of the other sites look like they were coded in the late 90s (and probably were) but believe it or not, the downloads work.

Honestly, I find myself rifling through their sites for a rare comic or game that's caught my curiosity. It's a great resource to have on hand. Downloading even one movie, book, or game makes the whole thing worth the price of admission.

PubaCash: I'm not a big fan of individual star sites, but the membership decision here is a no-brainer. Are you an Asa Akira fan? Yes? Then go sign up. There are 14 sites on their network and one of them is general porn, but really you're a fan of that particular performer. Go check out their stuff. Want to collect all a girl's videos? Get to it.

Follow the links in my Porn Worth Buying window to all of these sites. Chrystal Wynd's site is free and there is a new story up. If it isn't posted there yet, it is at the Erotic Mind Control Story Archive.

Ninjas & Demons - Part 1

"Hey, Asagi."

"What?"

"If tentacles are solid already, why do they need erect penises on the ends?"

"I don't know."

Click here if you don't get it.

Taimanin Asagi (Ninja Demon Hunter Asagi)

I am putting a ring on this one.

This is a nearly shot-for-shot remake of the anime and the first thing you notice is how well they (Attackers) pulled it off. The opening scene is complete with an upbeat theme song and 300-style camera speedups to create the illusion of fast-paced anime combat. Lesser moves with the Danger Chick concept usually fail right here because most porn stars aren't trained for fighting scenes and their slow, awkward movements make their performance unconvincing. The stars of this show have their inadequacies covered by camera effects so we actually believe we're watching ninjas fight.

As for the main cast, Asagi is the Goddess of Rapable Ninjas. She's clearly seen the anime and understands how to portray the unbearable extasy Asagi endures as countless dicks and dick-like things wail on her orgasm button. Oh, and she has stonking great, anime-sized tits.

I've seen enough. Nana Aoyama, will you marry me?

Sakura (国見奈々 / Nana Kunimi) is Asagi's kid sister. Sufficiently cute, her 34C's (Japan calls her cup size 95G, which sounds much better) don't really carry that anime buoyancy on screen. At least the costuming is screen-perfect.

Smaller boobs end up as ancilliary characters.

Oboro (石原あすか / Asuka Ishihara) really doesn't look like herself in this movie. While Aoyama can pull off ninja resolve with subtle facial ticks and Kunimi correctly ported anime cuteness into her character, Ishihara leaves the anime look behind and goes for soemthing a little more...scary clown.

Why so serious?

The first major sex scene involves Asagi and Oboro but not in the way you'd think. In a short time the movie sets up complex relationships between the characters that make the scene more interesting. Asagi goes to meet her fiance Kyousuke but finds the slain Oboro there instead, back from the Underworld. Oboro has posessed Kyousuke and managed to seal Asagi's power while her defenses were down. Helpless, Asagi must endure Oboro's clever two-part torture.

The first part is obvious; Oboro summons otherworldly beings to abuse Asagi.

Dink dink, dink dink dink DINK DINK di~nk...
You'd think Kyousuke is the cuckold in this case, but remember he's under Oboro's control and not really there. To hurt Asagi, Oboro starts to suck and fuck Asagi's fiance right in front of her, taunting the whole time. Well, except when the dick is in her mouth. This helps the whole scene come together. Normally it's just porn talk when the fuckee says "it's going in so deep" and "it feels so good." Now the lines have a real depth to them since they're being used to tease Asagi.

You might think this is cruel but remember, Asagi did kind of kill Oboro. Our culture says murder in movies is fine, but sex acts get you banned from most traffic exchanges. (Whoops.) This movie at least creates a fantasy setting where neither rape nor murder leave any kind of permanent damage...except Oboro's new thirst for vengeance.

Revenge is a dish best served with semen.

Hey, Asagi.

"What?"

Will my readers tune in Wednesday for Part 2?

"I don't know."

Lack of Discipline

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