Dat Asa - Part 1

The problem with reviews is you get a very short time with your subject and you're off to the next one. Today, Brazzers taught me a valuable lesson: things grow and change as you think about them. I was ready to dismiss the site as just a lot of the same crap behind all that exquisite, high-class photography and video quality, but one, new video changed my mind:

Asa Akira in "Say 'Hello' To Your Husband For Me."

It's almost like they read about my troubles in Japan last week. Searching for "Asian" now turns up videos with actual Asians. The best one they have, though, isn't until page 2.

Asa Akira is Japanese by race but she fucks American-style. (Yes, there is a huge difference.) Naturally gorgeous and curvy, stunning in heavy eye make-up, artistically inked and one of the most amazing asses on a Japanese girl, it is worth the price of admission to Brazzers to see the four hours of material they have with her, never mind the other 988 porn stars there. Or...you could go to the Asa Akira main site where you'll get her stuff and 13 other sites.

OK I'm done orally pleasing her, time to get off my knees and talk about this flick.


Those geniuses in the Movie Naming Department may have already tipped you off that this is a cheating wife film. Maybe the fact that it's in the Real Wife Stories section also clued you in. Or, the first three minutes of exposition could have told you that. The plot is simple, but it's still an impressive bit of character development for such a small bit of dialogue. Asa travels the world on business and doesn't get much time to spend with her husband, apparently played by John Belushi:


Samurai Pornstar is dishonored by your adultery.

The couple finally has that dinner and movie night they've always wanted, but you can tell they've been apart so long the "about time" attitude is burying any romantic comfort it might have brought them. Asa is also troubled by someone, a lover or stalker perhaps, that won't stop calling her. It turns out he's a little bit of both, and this is where the movie stops making sense so they can fuck.

Awoken by the stalker's 4:20am call (Brazzers freezes their clocks on 4:20) and worried there might be a stalker in her house, Asa goes downstairs in her sexy underwear armed with a rather lightweight iPhone.


Knock out a burgular? There's an app for that.

This is where everyone's talent gets underused. Through some great act of irony Asian skin doesn't look great in yellow, and through an act of DNA Asa's best assets are her face and ass, neither of which is the focus in this shot. Keiran Lee (the one in the suit), on the other hand, is actually British and should therefore have a much better bad guy accent. He's here to half-seduce, half-blackmail Asa into letting him fuck the fidelity out of her like he does on all those business trips. I'll settle for your best Jeremy Irons impression.


Really my darling, I can free you from this dreary love life.

And cue the cheesy music. It's porn so he'll go leaping towards the clittoris, even though there are lots of things you can do first. Asa will try to get that massive rod down her throat, bless her heart, but he'll have to settle for that trick where she uses her hands to make him feel like the shaft is deep in there. Then, agains all laws of biology, this happens:


OH GOD IT'S IN MY LUNGS!

His cock is literally 1/8 her height and he buries that thing to the balls in her. HARD. A LOT. It's like she has a secret door in there.

OK, I've covered the uninteresting parts. Tune in later for Part 2.