Saturday, August 7, 2010

Finding Ms Right Now

Today I will tell you a love story. A magical tale of penis meets digital girl. :::Cue up Michael Bolton::: "When a pe~nis, loves a digital girl / fingers start touching his pants / sure they're really his own / but he pretends they're hers...

So I searched the top rated models on Brazzers because hey, why go through 989 porn stars when the thousands of members can help me figure out who's worth watching, right?

Don't get me wrong, there all hotties. Mostly. 989 (probably more after this writing) is enough for anyone to shop for what they want. Anyway, I found these on the first page (30 per page):

Nice rack, but in the mood for something else.Nice tits, but they're on a horse.Kill it with fire.

A lot of them seem so whorishly dolled-up. Don't get me wrong--I love that. For some reason on that day at that time I asked myself:

Is there a natural beauty here? Someone enhanced rather than created by all the photoshopping and make-up?

Yes, and she's on the second page with a rating of 8.56, with the highest rating being 8.73; so she's 98% Hottest on Brazzers.

Pardon me while I sigh dreamily and breathe out her name. ~ <3 Austin Kincaid <3 ~

What photo, you ask, among the sea of tans, tits, and threesomes caught my attention? This one.

She's not even looking at us.

So I clicked her page and had 23 scenes to choose from, based only on the title and a picture:

I asked the cleavage, it swears there's a cock in this photo

I loves me some blackmail porn where she ends up loving it anyway, so I figured I'd fire up this doobie and see how high it takes me.

The Secret Is Out

Omigod omigod omigod she's so hot. When you've been watching porn, selling porn, sometimes hangin' out with porn stars as long as I have, you start to think no one can make you flip out over beauty like that anymore.

Brazzers classifies her as a MILF. This must be a biological technicality; at 30 she has flawless skin, tender curves, and a sultry voice. ~ <3 Austin <3 ~ Where was I? Right.

That sultry voice of hers is giving phone sex. To herself mostly. Make sure BOTH your speakers are working or you'll have to download it legally in one of 7 formats and play it off your hard drive.

Anyway, you don't want to miss this. In an industry where so little character development happens, we get a good, long look at everything we need to know...about why we want to fuck the shit out of her. Long, smooth legs that lead all the way up to lacy underwear. The high heels arch her calves and make her legs look extra sensual. Double-D breasts strain a tight top and she's playing with them, suggesting it's as much fun for her as it would be for you.

And don't get me started on heavy eye shadow. It makes the eyelids look heavy, tricking your sexual subconscious into thinking she's having an orgasm. Combine that with bright colors (the peacock mating ritual) and the jizz is as good as on her tits already.

Movie? Well, compared to anime hardly anything happens. The dude is some kind of investigator and has to report her phone sex activities to her husband. She does this because the husband has a small dick. (Weak, but Kincaid is more than hot enough to get away with it.) Our investigator proposes a solution: he has a huge cock, so if he gives it to her she won't have to have the phone sex her husband hates so much. (Very faulty logic, but it gets the dick in her.)

Personally, I think she's way hotter in this with her clothes on. Her beauty shines through clothing, inspiring awe and anticipation.

All while sucking a dick.

But then this happensAnd this.And this.
Over and over again. Sure that's the good part, but it's also regular. For all her exotic beauty (Half-Cherokee FTW!) in the end, she's simply getting pounded with a huge cock. I think she deserves more. Like double-penetration.

Or a money shot on those awesomely-constructed tits. That works.

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