Saturday, July 24, 2010

Blogging Despite God's Best Efforts

Somewhere in the cosmos is at least one divine being. Far beyond human intellect, it manipulates minor events in space and time that butterfly effect into massive phenomena. If it wants you dead it will not strike you down with lightning; it will cause you to run out of milk so you have to cross a street while a driver's child is distracting him. Even that is too simple an operation for this being. Also, this being is a motherfucking asshole dead set against this blog happening.

In a way it's good that all this happened. I need to test the customer service on these places and I'm proud to say Brazzers passed with flying colors. It's my credit card companies that failed.

Technology is amazing--before you make a purchase, like a porn site, your credit card will automatically decide that it isn't you making the purchase and will shut down. To its credit, Brazzers will send you to a backup merchant if the first one fails. So I had to call the bank and tell them that I wasn't a crook and that I was, in fact, buying porn. My card still wouldn't work, even though the bank told me it should.

But what about all the data I'd entered three times?

I called the Brazzers customer service hotline. Let me repeat that. Brazzers customer service hotline. It has real people that are friendly and trained to be patient with spelling out names and numbers. So lay your "is-this-a-fly-by-night-sham-operation" fears to rest. People pay mortgages and feed children with the money you give Brazzers.

They were very helpful, taking care of everything on their end and even taking my info over the phone with another card. That card failed. Amazingly enough, Brazzers was willing to let ME put THEM on hold while I called that second bank to explain to them that I am not a crook. You'll get no such customer service from your bank.

The cause of the auto-rejection was the card having a zero balance, hadn't been used recently, and the billing source was in a different country. Still, it was annoying. It's a credit card. They can run the charge and call me later. Anyway. This bank managed to get the card unstuck, and now I'm a proud member.

Oh, Brazzers will let you pay by check.

The delay tale isn't done. Brazzers is so hot my video card blew out. I lost all the notes, wisecracks, and photoshop crops for the very first real article I was putting together for this thing.

Well all that's done. Now I can rebuild that post. I'm excited, I was reporting on the brand new section Brazzers added. :::phone rings:::

What? Fuck.

Gotta go, family is whining about something. Fuck you, you divine asshole.

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