Raging Semi

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Erectile Disfunction

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Of Prisses and Bitches

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Blogging Despite God's Best Efforts

Somewhere in the cosmos is at least one divine being. Far beyond human intellect, it manipulates minor events in space and time that butterfly effect into massive phenomena. If it wants you dead it will not strike you down with lightning; it will cause you to run out of milk so you have to cross a street while a driver's child is distracting him. Even that is too simple an operation for this being. Also, this being is a motherfucking asshole dead set against this blog happening.

In a way it's good that all this happened. I need to test the customer service on these places and I'm proud to say Brazzers passed with flying colors. It's my credit card companies that failed.

Technology is amazing--before you make a purchase, like a porn site, your credit card will automatically decide that it isn't you making the purchase and will shut down. To its credit, Brazzers will send you to a backup merchant if the first one fails. So I had to call the bank and tell them that I wasn't a crook and that I was, in fact, buying porn. My card still wouldn't work, even though the bank told me it should.

But what about all the data I'd entered three times?

I called the Brazzers customer service hotline. Let me repeat that. Brazzers customer service hotline. It has real people that are friendly and trained to be patient with spelling out names and numbers. So lay your "is-this-a-fly-by-night-sham-operation" fears to rest. People pay mortgages and feed children with the money you give Brazzers.

They were very helpful, taking care of everything on their end and even taking my info over the phone with another card. That card failed. Amazingly enough, Brazzers was willing to let ME put THEM on hold while I called that second bank to explain to them that I am not a crook. You'll get no such customer service from your bank.

The cause of the auto-rejection was the card having a zero balance, hadn't been used recently, and the billing source was in a different country. Still, it was annoying. It's a credit card. They can run the charge and call me later. Anyway. This bank managed to get the card unstuck, and now I'm a proud member.

Oh, Brazzers will let you pay by check.

The delay tale isn't done. Brazzers is so hot my video card blew out. I lost all the notes, wisecracks, and photoshop crops for the very first real article I was putting together for this thing.

Well all that's done. Now I can rebuild that post. I'm excited, I was reporting on the brand new section Brazzers added. :::phone rings:::

What? Fuck.

Gotta go, family is whining about something. Fuck you, you divine asshole.

Updating for my Fan.

Still finding the right language for the description and the basic model of something that's going to be a regular job for me. Here's what I want to do:

• Paysite reviews. I join a paysite without telling them what I'm doing. Screenshots and what I think of them go here. The goal is for you to know if you want to purchase membership before you go through the paygate. Yes, this project will cost me money. Sooner or later I'm going to setup a Paypal donate thing.


• Erotic writing. Free, because I'm not yet full of myself.


• Interviews. Believe it or not, I can go get my hands on a porn star. Should I nab one, I'd like to interview her. Bonus points if she's from the site I'm reviewing.

Is it bad that if I get my hands on a porn star, all I want to do is interview her?

Second Post

And now I'm going to teach myself how to use images in a blog. Drumroll, please.



Ta da! Woooooooooooo! Oh that's beautiful. That's the spreading of some Blogger Wings right there. I have created fire.

Demotivatior by me, Phil E. Ryder. As you can see, my commentary on this began long before I was a blogger. Oh shit, I'm a blogger now.

I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this picture. Tentacle rape pregnancy fetish? Fine. Certainly nothing wrong with that. Of course, most girls would object to that sort of thing, perhaps even be hurt by it. Ms. Background over there is a bit underdeveloped; boobs are too small for a hot model shot and belly is too small for a pregnant fetish, but at least she has her game face on.

Our star, the one wearing the tentacle panties, is trying way too hard for that defiant look. You know, the one you're supposed to fap to because it's soooooooooooooooo hot she doesn't like it but is getting it anyway. Anyway, she overshoots that expression and looks more like she's mad at the tentacle for not picking the kids up from soccer practice. *sigh* Or making her miss House because daddy needs some lovin.'

This is not the first time in the history of porn a girl contorts her face all wrong but some producer thinks it's "hot, hot, hot, baby!"

Kill it with fire.

First Post

I have something to say about porn. For the most part, it sucks and that is a terrible thing. I propose a solution:

1. I view some porn.
2. I delve into what's right and wrong with it.
3. People pay attention and demand better porn.
4. Better porn.

Until science perfects that customizable robot sex slave and business makes it as ubiquitous as the car, We The People need to speak up.

So. I'll be reviewing the sperm out of model sites, web sites, blogs movies, stories, and most importantly, pay sites. Pay sites use sales techniques to make you sign up--not actual porn. So how do you know if it's any good without coughing up $29.95? www.pornworthwatching.net, that's how.