Grow Your Penis By 6762 Miles

Stretch your erection halfway around the world, for at long last it is time to cover the JSexNetwork--the best source of Japanese porn I have ever seen. I have to admit this is kind of cheating. I'm already familiar with the JSexNextwork and I'm happy to be back on it. So before I get into the opinionated stuff, let's cover the Unbiased Facts:

The J Sex Network

Join if you love/skip if you hate: Japanese girls...they count as "Asian."
Cost: 1 candy bar a day
Come For The: Feature-length adult videos; short, pleated, schoolgirl uniforms
Stay For The: The Weird Stuff

Japan is the weirdness capital of the world.
Find the Japan 1 Fuck Grand Prix Championship in their "Exclusive AV Programs" section.

The Signup Story

There is no loud "Join Now" button in your face. In fact, non-members can browse all sections of the site. Only movie downloads and full-sized images aren't available. When ready, click on registration. Memberships are recurring, so mark your calendar with a cancellation date. (Of course, I want you to subscribe through my affiliate links and stay forever, but I don't need chargebacks or angry readers.)

Signup was rather painless since my Brazzers signup showed me the hard way which credit card won't go apeshit on me. (HSBC Mastercard.) You can choose between 30 and 60 days, with the 60-day option saivng you about $7.90. (Extra Starbucks for YOU!)

Your username and passcode are nine-digit numbers given to you on signup. Plus: No bickering over usernames, no typing and retyping passwords. Minus: You almost have to copy and paste your login. Browsers have "REMEMBER PASSWORD" checkboxes. USE THEM.

I went to D-Bank to download the movie that made me go "holy shit, it's time to join JSexNetwork again:"

Ninjas AND tentacles? Where do I sign up?
By the way, it isn't that I expect this film to be jizztastic. (It probably will be.) There's a "Dude, you gotta see this" aspect at work here. Live-action anime. Ninjas. I'm in.

Click the movie you want and you have to copy/paste your password again. Check the "remember" box. Here's where you need some Japanese patience. This isn't a Tube Site where you click and watch a stream. You're downloading a feature-length movie. Right-click, "Save Target As." My technology is shitty so I waited about half an hour for my 2GB download in two files. This is the part where you multi-task and reward yourself later.


You worked hard. You deserve one of these.

I did have a problem with the first download, it seemed to save the shortcut rather than the file. I refreshed the page and all was well.

Here's another cool thing: Verotel, the merchant provider of many adult sites, now has a QuickCharge account. If you agree to log in you don't have to keep entering your data. If you're using the Internet as a porno-go-round, that's awesome.

So that's the story of JSexNetwork. This post says nothing of the amazing and wonderful differences between Japanese porn and American (more toys; more big, natural breasts; innovative plots and scenes) nor has it reviewed a movie. Tune in next week for Taimanin Asagi (Ninja Demon Hunter Asagi).

Ow, My Aching Sense of Time

Back from Japan. The jet lag is violent, clubbing me into unconsciousness at inopportune hours. So worth it. Here's a minor fraction of why:



I told you I'd bring you back something good. Generally I'm anti-banner and I'll get some text link code eventually BUT, those three names up there are valuable information. Those women make some damn fine movies and you can get them without any trouble.

Anyway, I found my next target for a movie review:


Look upon their works, ye mighty, and weep. Taimanin Fucking Asagi has a live-action release. The very existence of this film is earth-shattering news with fangasmic implications.

Firstly, this is the fastest anime-->live-action release ever. First released in Japan for download on February 24th, 2007 we see a live-action just a short three years later. Dragon Ball Z needed over 20 years.

Secondly, this makes Pixy Soft the baddest ass of all the hentai creation studios, or at least a trendsetter (we hope). This is the strongest show of capability since convincing Hentai Key to take all their movies down. A shame, since I found Pixy Soft in the first place by noticing all my favorite movies had the same maker. Pixy Soft has risen to fame by creating sexy action chicks that get in over their heads and end up gangbanged by man and monster alike. What can I say, they really know how to treat a lady.

This makes the live-action Japanese studio Attackers the perfect company to produce this film. Basically, the top anime producer of ninjas, investigators, valkyries, and other danger chicks failing their missions and getting reamed for it has teamed up with the top live-action producer of...just that.

If this trend keeps up, if other studios keep making these team projects, there will not be enough sperm in any human ball sack to keep up.

The future is a wonderful place.

Subscriptions, Save Me

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Japan: Respect, Culture, Porn

Japan is a wonderful place with a culture thousands of years old and--

Fuck that, what's the porn like? Well, 90% of it is Same Shit, Different Island. It's the minor cultural differences that shape the other 10% of it into Porn Worth Watching.

Don't worry, I *WILL* bring you back something from Japan, I promise. Here are the top 5 reasons you're looking forward to that, and I'll be developing some of these ideas in later posts when I'm not on vacation. (That's right: sequence of events: Phil plans Japan vacation, much time passes, Phil gets crazy blog idea and actually does it, Phil's flight leaves for Japan.)

The Top 5 Reasons You're Looking Forward to Seeing Japanese Porn Here

5. Show me a country's taboos and I'll show you it's porn shelf. Office ladies, schoolgirls, teachers, groping on the train, and fucking a girl JUST because she has big titties.

4. No duckface. Ever wonder what porn would be like if women didn't contort their painted faces and curse all the time? It'd be much sexier.

3. Fully customizable. When you don't know what they're saying, you get to fill in the blanks. Whatever you wish she was saying, well for all you know, she's saying it.

2. Variety of actions. Like I said in the Discipline Rei review, Japan is considerate and stuffs a variety of activity into its porn. Sure the live stuff is a bit limited by reality but it still goes way beyond blowjob-->doggie-->reverse cowgirl-->blowjob-->finish

And the Number One Reason You Want To See Japanese Stuff Here: The Asian tag is like bacon--anything you put it on gets better. There is no "Asian" tag in Japan--there's an "American" tag. EVERYONE HERE IS ASIAN. Think of the implications here. Whatever you want, whatever you're into, whatever you want to see, be it big breasts, foot fetish, threesomes, anal, lesbian, rape, toys, or toys raping lesbians, imagine it where everyone is Asian.

Yeah. I'm near Akihabara so I'm going to check out the sex shops and see what's good. Then when I get back I'm going to find the sites that have that good stuff and get you guys (both of you) hooked up.